In The Deep
by the fish is dead
Summary: Before he could move on to the future, he had to let go of the ghosts of his past. Oneshot. RLNT.


_A/N: The song I used for this fic is 'In The Deep' by Bird York. It is NOT mine so please, please do not sue me. Please.

* * *

_

_Thought you had _

_All the answers _

_To rest your heart upon._

"I thought you said we'd be fine," the young woman whispered, holding her baby tight to her body. "I thought you said…there was no chance he'd find us…that he'd give up eventually..."

The aging wizard beside her sighed. "I'm sorry. I did seem to bestow upon you false hope. No," he looked off into the distant, and a cold look that looked unfitting for his features crossed his face, "Voldemort cannot give up this easily. He will not rest until he gets what he most desires – at this moment." His sparkling blue eyes fell on the dark-haired baby slumbering soundly in the young woman's arms.

"What are we supposed to do?" said a hazel-eyed man, with dark hair that would not stay down at the back. He slipped his hand around the young woman and frowned. "You must know something…Dumbledore, anything. I will do anything to protect my family."

The young woman moved from the man, and carefully swept her long red hair back with her hand. "_We'll_ do anything," she said, casting a dark look at the young man.

The old man nodded. "There is one more thing you can do…"

_But something happens,_

_Don't see it coming, now _

_You can't stop yourself._

The room was black, and a lone man was sitting in the middle of it, his back to the wall. His medium, tawny locks fell in front of his worn face, and they were still wet from tears.

"Why."

It wasn't a question; it was a statement – a pleading one at that. Everything he loved, everything he had known had been torn from him in one night. His friends, James, Sirius and Peter – all of them. Gone. James from a horrible death, brought on by one friends selfishness. The man's face crumbled at the mere thought of this tragedy. Sirius…how he had never thought that this friend would be the one to crack, the one to give in. Sirius had always been the strong one, the one helping him through the especially tough mornings after whilst James had played with his stolen Snitch and Peter had marveled giddily at his skill. And sure, Sirius had never necessary done it in a serious, calm matter but the help and comfort remained still.

Without warning, the young man suddenly slammed his fist down hard on the cold stone floor. He did not cry out, though the pain was almost unbearable. Though his eyes were fixated blurrily at the ceiling, he knew it was broken. He had been here before.

He let out a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. What was the most hurtful aspect of his emotional pain, though, was not the fact that Sirius had betrayed them all – though he thought he must be crazy not to see it that way.

It was that he had been left alone – again.

_Now you're out there swimming... _

_In the deep. _

_In the deep. _

"Bloody hell, Sirius!" screamed a young, pink-haired woman, holding her hands firmly over her ears, and a maddening expression on her small face. "Will you shut that woman up?"

A roguish man with long, tangled black hair grinned at her. "Eh, and for once it weren't you that set her off!" he commented as he conducted a simple _silenco _to the shrieking portrait of a woman on his right.

The young woman grumbled a reply, but said nothing else.

"I'm…really sorry," said another worn looking man, who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "For setting her off again."

The first man snorted. "Well, as you know, you weren't exactly my mother's favourite."

The young woman was staring, open-eyed, at the worn looking man, a strange expression on her face.

"Er –" started the second man, feeling rather uncomfortable. "I don't believe we've met."

The woman smiled, whilst the first man looked more than entertained. "I don't believe we have." She held out her hand. "Nymphadora Tonks, but if you ever call me Nymphadora I'll be forced to hex you into oblivion."

The worn looking man managed a shaky smile. "Remus Lupin." He took her hand shakily, and felt a chill run down his spine as they shook.

He blinked, and looked strangely at the woman, who looked back with almost the same expression on her face. At this point, the roguish man felt it right to shout loudly; "Dear, Merlin – I think we've got a soon-to-be love affair on our hands! Evacuate the area!"

_Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles _

_Till you…let go _

_Till you shed your pride, and you climb to heaven,_

_And you throw yourself off._

"Remus?"

The ex-Professor jolted awake, and found himself staring at a very miserable looking Nymphadora Tonks.

"Are you OK?" she whispered, concern written all over her face.

Remus looked around, and found himself to be in the Hogwarts library. "Just a bad dream," he said shakily, thinking back to the image of himself in the dark after his friend's deaths. It was strange…he had not had that dream in over five years…and certainly not this version with _Tonks _in it! "Er – why…how?"

"Oh." Remus thought he saw a bit of blush cross the young Aurors face, but he could have been mistaken, and it turned back to it's now-usual somber self in less than a second. "I – er – you fell asleep in the teachers lounge…after we went to see Bill –" Remus was sure he saw blush now, but it was most reasonable. She probably felt about yelling at him in front of everyone in the hospital. Remus sighed – she really had no reason to. It was his fault. "–and, well, I kind of…levitated you over here." She stopped, and bit her lip. "I didn't think you'd want anyone finding you like that."

Remus drew his eyes down to the floor. She really did know him to well.

_And now you're out there spinning..._

_And now you're out there spinning..._

_In the deep. _

_In the deep. _

_In the deep._

"I am sorry about that."

Remus looked up, startled. "For bringing me here?" He asked, confused.

She shook her head slowly, tawny strings of hair hitting her face. "No. For…_exploding_ like that before." She took a slow breath, and tucked her long mousy brown hair behind her shoulders. "But…I…I just couldn't take it anymore!" she exclaimed, her voice rising.

"And I still can't! Lupin…I know…I know that you don't think we'd work out but you have to admit we'd be great together! Isn't it worth taking the chance? Dammit –" Tonks was on a roll now, "– Lupin, can't you let yourself be happy for once?"

Remus stopped short on any argument he had been about to put forward. Happiness? He had really given up on ever being happy at a really small age, not long after he had gotten lycanthropy. His whole world had changed, however, when he was accepted into Hogwarts and when he met James, Sirius and Peter. They had changed him. If not for them, he doubted he would be anywhere now.

Eyes wide, he stared up at the determined young Auror in front of him. He loved her. He knew it. And he knew she loved him, however strange and unimaginable he might find it. But he also knew he was scared. Happiness had been taken from him not once, but twice, and it could just as easily slip through his fingers once more. It was better to be miserable than to be pining for happiness.

Wasn't it?

But still, what if it didn't turn out? What if his expectations were too high, remembering all the years he had lived in happiness with his friends? And what about all the burdens he carried? All the ghosts of his past, the horrors he had experienced at too young an age? He could not expose Tonks to that. He just couldn't.

So either had to let the memories go, or never let himself be happy.

"Remus?" he heard Tonks say quietly.

Taking in a shaky breath, he let his eyes focus on her. "OK," he murmured.

Before she could respond, he slipped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips softly to hers.

She gasped, but quickly recovered, opening her mouth slightly to deepen the kiss.

Remus smiled, feeling her arms slowly wound round his neck, and finally knew it was worth it.

_If you want to be given everything_

_Give everything up_

* * *

_A/N: Hate it? Love it? Don't care? Review!_

_\\/_

_\\/_


End file.
